Welcome to the Adaptive Mindset. I'm Brett Gallant, cybersecurity thought leader and founder of Adaptive Office Solutions. Here, we don't just talk tech, we unlock the strategies, stories, and mindset shifts you need to stay secure, lead boldly, and thrive in a digital world. Let's get started. Welcome back to the Adaptive Mindset. Today's guest has a story unlike any other I've shared on this podcast. It's a story of courage, resilience, and willingness to completely rewrite your life. After decades of living in what she calls the wrong marriage, the wrong career, and even the wrong body, Bobbi Barrington made a radical choice to step fully into her authentic self. In just a few short years, she's gone from feeling lost and stuck to living free, fulfilled, and thriving. Bobbi's journey is unique, but her message is universal. Transformation is always possible. She's lived through fear, doubt, and the pressure of other people's expectations. And she's come out the other side with wisdom about courage, authenticity, and what it really means to live a life on your own terms. In this conversation, we're going to explore how Bobbi faced fear head-on, the mindset shifts that carried her through, and the lessons she's learned about resilience and reinvention. Whether you're stuck in a job that you hate, a story you've outgrown, or just questioning what's next, I believe this conversation will spark something in you. a reminder that you're not defined by your past, and it's never too late to step into who you were meant to be. So let's dive in to this powerful conversation with Bobbie Barrington. I might add, Bobbie's also a speaker. We had a little bit of a preamble before. So Bobbie, welcome to the show. Good day, Brent. Good day, mate. I'm Well, I'm in Australia and, um, you know, we don't always say that, but it is a bit of a, you know, a cliche, I suppose. Oh, we have that here in my town. How's she going? Oh, how you doing? How you doing? Yeah. It's a delight to meet you, Brett. So delighted So I want to dig in, start with about your backstory. Can you tell us, take us back to a moment when you realized something Well, I'm a woman, and I'm also a trans woman. And that was my journey. And I didn't choose to be, but I choose to live. And I chose authenticity. I chose to change everything in my life in alignment with what I have learned is my true self, not my conditioned self. So there's two aspects. I feel I've transitioned. I have no monopoly on transitioning. We all transitioning all the time. But in my story, I talk about two transitions. One is my gender and one is my mindset. And both of them necessary for me to discover who I was really meant to be. And both of them have different trajectories, if you like, like throughout my life. I transitioned in gender quite late. So I'm 66 now, and I transitioned when I was about 60, 59, 60. And it was the decade before that, that I was growing in doubt about who I was in my body. And I have no idea why, but I started feeling different in my body. And got to the point where I would think to myself, I should have been born a girl. And then was a process of, you know, like. you know, like changing bits and pieces like hair and clothes and things. And eventually I sought medical help. And then eventually I sort of discovered the path to to change my gender identity. And that wasn't a small thing, actually. And and You know, like changing my physical body was one thing, but also changing my, changing myself socially, psychologically, even administratively, because there is so much, so much, you know, of a person of my age, there's, you know, a lot of fingerprints of my former name and identity all over my life. And cleaning that up is like still But I am going to say, and this surprises me, it surprises people, that of the two transitions, that is the easy one and that is done. And I'm a woman and I go out in the world as a woman and I mix with women's circles and The welcome I have had from women has been extraordinary. It's just been so beautiful. How welcoming they've been. You know, I just I'm just a woman amongst women. And there is no question about that. And I very rarely get any kind of pushback. And it's typically men who push back and deny my my right to my womanhood. Yeah. But the other transition. So I. feel that, and I've done so much work on my mindset, I feel that I spent my life in fear and lost and stuck and struggling and, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. right back to my childhood, alcoholic father, emotionally difficult childhood, and resulting in me seeking safety by not standing out, not being seen, not being heard, and Really, that led to a life and a career of people-pleasing and, you know, when I say the wrong career, I was an accountant. I am so not an accountant. I spent my life as an introvert. I am so not an Like, and- But you were letting fear be in the driver's seat because of your 100%, yeah. And I always wanted to be an entrepreneur. I always wanted to run my own thing. I always thought I was here for something important, something special. And I tried and tried and tried, but I kept going back to jobs and What was your mindset and the safety and the people-pleasing part? Yeah. The people-pleasing was like my father, particularly, you know, and I'm a recovering people-pleaser, so I can, I think a lot of us can identify with that. So. Yeah, but you know, the thing, Brett, is that for us to change anything, the first step is awareness. And when you start to be aware of your behaviors and what's happening, then you've got an opportunity to start shifting things and making Awareness and acceptance of your behavior. Awareness. Vision day, like I can say so to I love I love the story of the two wolves, you know, the two wolves that are fighting and. I don't know, there are many traditions to the story, but, you know, there's there's a Native American chief and he speaks with the brave and says, you know, there are two wolves in you who are fighting and Ask the brave which one wins and the brave says, I don't know. And he says, the one you feed. And I love this because it's all about choice and. The other one never goes away, we can always go and choose the other one, but we have to focus on what we want, you know, which wolf do we want to feed? And it takes commitment and persistence and constant vigilance. to keep focusing on what it is that we want. This was massive for me because my fear, I'm still, I am still frightened. I still have frights and I have insecurities and money problems and home problems and business problems and blah, blah, blah. And so the fear never goes away. But what does change is our capacity to hold it as an emotion, to process it through our bodies, to appreciate that it's not gonna kill us, and to learn what it has to teach us because it's Right, what is this teaching us right now when you're going through a problem? And I like to call them puzzles because they can be solved. Most things can be solved. And what is that teaching us at the time when we're going through those challenges? Yeah. So if I'm frightened, I generally find and I'm not talking. No, it's attacking me or anything like that. I generally find that there is something that I'm neglecting in my life. there is something that I'm not paying attention to and I might not be paying attention to it, or I might be avoiding it because it brings up emotions in me. For example, like I've had a crappy money mindset my whole life. And I'm still working on it. And there was a time when I couldn't walk past my bank. I'd close my eyes and cross the street because it triggered me because of the money thing. And that was teaching me something that I was not paying attention to my money problem, which might have been an income problem or it might have been a mismanagement problem or something like that. But the problems don't go away by denying them or avoiding them. And so that fear, that fright, that trigger. Oh, it's an access point to go deep and discover what am I avoiding? What Oh, yeah. The world will show you where you're not free. Isn't that so true? That's a great example. The world will show you where you're not free when you're avoiding something. Yeah. Yeah, I I have a list of I have whiteboards, whiteboards with lists of stuff, and I tick things off and sometimes even write things on it that I've already done just like a ticket off. Yeah. Satisfaction. But that's another access point right there. But I can so easily get distracted and so easily let myself off the hook at the end of the day because I didn't do enough. And then I feel guilty and disappointed with myself and it's a shadow. So that emotion is now an access point for me to be able to inquire, where have I not been in integrity with my word? You know, I promised myself that I was going to do these things. I didn't do these things. I'm disappointed. Isn't Hey, Bobby, I've had that recently. My own my own transformation. I've I've released 120 pounds since October 2023. Yeah, it's amazing. You know what? A podcast before this, I talked about stakes and owning my truth. Guess what? I've been comfortable and I haven't gone to the next level because I've been letting fear be in the driver's seat. So I came to this aha moment that no, enough is enough. And right now, as we're recording this, it's September 2nd and I made a non-negotiable right now. I'm 236.4. Okay. Creeped up a little bit in the last month. No excuses. I'm going all in by December 31st. I will be 200 pounds or less. Magic. Right. But I decided I own it. I know where my own integrity. I've not been showing up. I have not been living the standards that I preach. I want and I want to set a good example for my children and for people around me. And you know what? It's all about mindset. Absolutely. And I can do it and I will do it. And so you're speaking so much right now to all of us, you know, in whatever we're deciding and the integrity is so important that we have to honor those promises we make to ourselves. Yeah, like So three and a half years ago, I was in a very different place and I was struggling and failing and trying different, you know, I'd left my family, I've got divorced and I was trying to create some businesses, multi-level marketing sorts of network marketing businesses and had no success with it. And I kept doing and doing and doing and doing all of the things that they said I should do. And I reached out for a coach. I've had a few coaches through the years. And I'm. Coaches are amazing. Yeah. Strong believer of coaching. And I am a coach now myself. Awesome. And I reached out to who is now my current coach and the reason why I'm actually living where I am in Australia because the beach is just out there and it's beautiful here and it's just out of winter now and it's like 22 degrees I mean short sleeves and everything. But it was through her that she got me to stop all of the doing because I had I was like doing, doing, doing, working, working, working, working harder, working longer, you know, like, like trying different things. But I was trying to solve my problems with the same mindset and Like, I don't mean in a gender sense, but in a masculine sense, you know, like pushing harder and forcing and, and I didn't have an income and I had all of the emails pile up and all of the letters pile up and the phone was always on mute because I was frightened because the tax department, you know, was going to find me up and oh, it's been a nightmare really. But she got me to stop, stop doing all of that stuff and start being, Stop doing, start being. Stop controlling, start trusting. This has been the hardest thing to keep going, following your vision, keep doing the work, without the results coming, without the income and trusting that it's going to happen eventually. This has been a really tough thing. And this is the journey that I'm on, you know, keeping on, keeping on, keeping on. So tomorrow morning, I'm going to drive an hour and a quarter to give a 20 minute speech and then an hour and a quarter back because I'm in the arena. I'm in the arena and I get my message in front of an audience. That's why What incredible, you're going to be able to impact people and help people with Yeah. I mean, my message, the message that I'm really sharing at the moment. Oh God. I love that. Tell a better story. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean by that? Is that It's about our beliefs. and how we can confuse them with truths and reality. And that how we all look at the world through a certain set of filters and the lens that we look at the world creates the reality that we live in. So we don't live the world That is, we live in the world that we perceive through all of the filters that we filter in through, if you like. And some of that is the stories. And so I have all kinds of backstories. Do you remember I said I used to be an introvert? That was a story. That I told my wife I was shy and she doesn't believe me. She thinks I'm full of baloney, full of crap. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, so this, This is where coaching has been so useful because it shines a light on things that we can't see ourselves. Where we're hiding from sometimes too. Maybe we're hiding, but maybe just like fish in water. We can't see it. We can't see it. We can't even see it. Like when I talked about the wolves, There is a choice there. You can't choose one wolf over the other, unless you are aware that there are two wolves. There might be a whole wolf pack, actually. But if you're a one-wolf kind of person, how can you Yes. And that is what, my speech tomorrow is to a Rotary Club and it is about exactly that, tell a better story. And I go into the Rotary Club and I use my own story as a metaphor for change, for possibility, for creating a new reality, if you like. I love the metaphor of Michelangelo, the sculptor. And he, apparently said that the sculpture was already in the marble. It was just his job to chip away and reveal what was already there. Yeah. This me, she was already she was in me. There are other me's as You have to be discovered and be welcomed in the world. I'm the same way. I believe there's an end of my life. There's a version of me that's waiting for me who Yeah. And you get to choose. You get to choose which version of you shows It's life's a decision, you know, what And so what I'm saying now in my speech is that we don't need chisels and hammers. We have words and the pen we hold in our hands to write the stories of our lives. Beautiful. Yeah. Not only that, We can write the stories of our past lives. We can change the meaning of what happened in the past. Ah yes, yeah. Yeah. What did that teach me? What did that teach me? Absolutely. Yeah, because I've had this aha moment. I took my family to Western Canada for nine days. I had a few things for business while I was out there. But I lived in Western Canada when I was younger. And when I was standing in front of the apartment where I lived, where my dad and I left in June, in the middle of the night, leaving all our friends behind, my two sisters and my mother, no one knew we just left in the middle of the night. And that has a whole new meaning to me right now. When I look at it through the new lens of who I am today, I realized what that did and why it set the trajectory for my life, why I was a people pleaser, why I avoided confrontation. So it So, yeah. And, and the meaning, Yeah. And. The meaning that you. Adopted at that time. Yeah. Can frame your whole life. Yeah. And it may or may not be truth. Yeah. And yeah, you know, it was it was, you know, lots of people, they feel abandoned by parents when their father leaves or mother leaves or something, and they Yeah, but that's the best they could deal with at the time. We had a small little disruption in the middle of the recording, but we were having a beautiful conversation about moments in our lives that define us, an abandonment that, and Bobby was explaining, digging some really powerful things. I want to just bring us back Yeah. The theme of this is tell a better story. Yeah. And to be able to tell a better story, you've got to realize that you're actually telling a story. And this is a choice. When you realize that you are actually telling a story, maybe because someone else is a coach or someone has pointed it out to you, then you have a choice. Like tomorrow morning, I'm giving a speech to Rotary. And one of the things that Rotary I hear say is that people don't want to join Rotary anymore. And that's some people's experience. And so the question I ask is, is that true? Are you sure? Or are But until you start to share something with your audience tomorrow, Tell them you were on a wonderful podcast, okay? Who is a Rotarian, okay? And we have this incredible Rotary Club. I'm proud to be a Rotarian. I'm not the best Rotarian, but I show up and I contribute where I can. We have an incredible group of people and we have people that are asking to join. So it's just a story that we're telling ourselves. I know that's akin to the story about the wolves you feed. I respectfully challenge them with love. Oh, absolutely. There's another story. Of course. They just haven't found the right way to tell that story yet. Absolutely. And I just I wanted to pick up on that. I know it's a challenge to get people to come in. I'm a volunteer. I do scouting as well. And it's a challenge. But what you said so far today, telling a better story. And I just want you to share that with your audience if you have Oh, I will. I don't think this particular club is that. But it's not the point. The point is that They are all stories. Everything is a story. And organizations tell themselves stories as well. And when we start, only when we start challenging those stories that we can open up potential and possibilities for more abundant lives and futures and outcomes. So beautiful. Yeah. And how do you do it? Through questions. by questioning. Ask a better question, yeah. Ask a better question, tell a better story, create a better outcome through introspection. And also like being okay with the emotions that it brings up. Because people are very attached. We are very attached to our stories because they become our identities. And if you take this story away from me, who will I become? And yeah. And when we told that story. And then when you when you. That question, who do I become, it brings up emotions. And here we are back full circle with emotional management, emotional regulation. When I was talking about my coach and when she got me to stop doing certain things, stop doing the doing and start trusting and being. And that's when everything shifted for me and all my cards. I can't do this. I can't do that. I can't make any money. I can't be happy. These stories started shifting into new possibilities. But that journey, a three year journey of mindset growth and constant one on one Oh, I just go deep all the time. But there have been these massive penny drop moments. One of them was the choices that I was making. I was waking up in the morning, grinding my teeth, literally shaking in fright because I was catastrophizing about my future. And I didn't have self-trust and self-belief. And when I started realizing that I had a choice in this and I could make a different choice, that was massive for me. And that's when the wolf's metaphor suddenly mattered. And another penny drop moment for me was this discovery about accountability. And you spoke about that with your weight, didn't you? Like, this is my way. I'm accountable for it. It's my actions that create the outcome that is created. One of the pounds that you have kind of thing. And it's your actions that are going to reverse that. And it's all accountable. And why would you want it any other way? Why would you not want to be accountable and outsource your power to you? It wasn't me. It was the food. It was the diet that was given to me. It was not my fault that I couldn't exercise. You know, like there's a saying that the buck stops here. Yeah. Yeah. And for everything. relationships, income, money, health, everything about me and my life, I'm accountable for. Yeah. Yeah. And that was a really big moment of discovery for me Yeah. Before we wrap up today, there's one question that we can go a little bit longer, but there's one question I want to make sure that I ask, because like all good podcasts, they go in directions you didn't even think that were possible, and we've had this wonderful conversation so far. Tell a better story. So I want to ask you this. What would you say to someone listening right now? There are people listening to this podcast that feel stuck, okay? We're all stuck in some way. Maybe they're in the wrong job, wrong relationship, or they're just telling the wrong story about themselves. You answered that a little bit, but I want to have you expand a little bit. What I was so stuck. I was, you know, and the stuckness was to do with, you know, like when you say stuck, it's a label, you know, like I am a label, you know, it's not a truth. Like when people are stuck, they've run out of resources, they've run out of ideas, they've run out of a sense of what's possible. And. You know, I ask I ask people from time to time. Can you list five five things in your life that you're successful at? And I can't list five things. And it's because we set the bar so, so high, so high. They woke up in the day and they're breathing. Absolutely. Yeah. But they're not looking, they're looking for big things. Yeah. You know, like, I've written this book, you know, I've climbed this all of them my daughter yesterday that was the best thing so yeah so yeah no i keep going sorry yeah yeah yeah and and so many people set the bar so high and Like anyone who is listening to your podcast has the wherewithal to be extraordinary. We have resources, we have abundance, we have so much in our lives, the capacity to be able to partake in this, to listen. So it's not lack of opportunity, it's lack of resourcefulness and lack of excitement and mission and joy. And. What I did when I was stuck, I reached out for help. Yes. I kept at it myself for years and years. I was trying to shift my reality, but I couldn't shift my reality just by myself. I needed help to help me Yeah, so. What would I say to people who are stuck? Keep looking. Keep walking. Keep dreaming. Keep going out into nature. Keep coming back into the moment. Keep looking back on your life at what you have done and what you have achieved, because so many of us make the future so difficult and the past so easy. What we have accomplished is so small compared to the hurdles we've got ahead of us. And yet we've climbed these massive Yeah. Yeah. We don't even recognize it sometimes. And I look back at it and we Sometimes we diminish our accomplishments because we think they're not that great or the story. Our story is not that great, but we all have a great story. Yeah. We all, and we, and our story, your story. we're talking about right now can help someone. So get unstuck and seek, I can't think of anything better, seek the help and keep exploring and challenge that story. Love Tell a better story, oh my gosh, that's great. Hey, one more question, then we're gonna get into rapid fire mindset shift questions for you, okay? It's like a game show. How did you know you were signing up for this? So last question, what daily practices or mindset shifts helped you keep going when things felt overwhelming? Oh, and this happens all the time. Getting grounded. Coming back to now, like overwhelm is to do with, you know, things that chunked up too big, you know, and I chunk it down to the small things, you know, like the thing that I can do now. One of the most important things that I have learned is this stepping, just keep stepping, daily steps, little steps. One thing, one thing, one thing, you know, it's a marathon, not a sprint sort of thing, you know. And you climb a mountain, you know, one step at a time sort of thing, you Or eat an elephant one bite at a time. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, so game show time, you ready? Rapid fire mindset, rapid fire questions. Our topic is mindset shifts, okay? Okay, quick question. One belief you Oh, well, there are many. Just Okay, you've overcome that. One new belief that Oh God, there are many of those. Oh, what shall I say? I believe that, well, I believe I have it within me to impact Yes, I believe that too. A book, mentor, or moment that gave you strength? A book, mentor, or moment? Let's break this into two questions. Oh, what's her name? Glennon Doyle, her book. What was that called? Glennon Doyle, the American woman. I don't know. Oh, OK. Well, that's not a very good answer then. No. We'll switch. Sorry, go ahead. It could be untamed. Untamed, Cool. Excellent book. Untamed. A My beautiful coach now, Judy, she's there with me all the time, but I lived in London for a long time and back then, 15 or so years ago, I used to do a lot of T. Harbecker events and it's like Tony Robbins, that sort of thing. They were excellent. They Nice. And being in there with a bunch Yeah. And I'm still reaping the benefits from I'm exploring one of those ideas. One successfully delivering speeches, you know, early on, you know, like learning to be a speaker, it's So when I started speaking, I would script it. So my first speech was called Stepping Fearlessly into the Unknowable Future, and it was 45 minutes, and I embedded it, memorized it, all of it, made it conversational, made it part of me, right? Part of the reason I would do that was for safety because I would be safe in my delivery and know that I could rely on. That I knew the words and actually going and standing on a stage, you know, like many, many people fear public speaking, you know, and You know, there are many, many ways of managing that. And one of the ways that people do do is like memorizing the whole content. But it takes away from the personality. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It takes away from that. But it's a safety thing as you grow as a speaker. But when when I was delivering my speeches, without, you know, like just from me and getting my getting my points across and seeing them land and knowing that I was making a difference to the audience, that there was there were people there who needed what I needed to hear what I had to say. Really important. I would be too. So Bobby, we'll wrap up here. I wanna thank you so much for today, for sharing so openly and powerfully. What I really love about your story, it shows the transformation just isn't for chosen few, it's for everyone. No matter where we're stuck, the fear that's holding us back, whispering in our ear, but we can lean into telling a better story. What story are we telling ourselves? So everyone, for anyone listening, I know the biggest way you can help make an impact, because that's what we're here to do. Share this episode with somebody who needs to hear these words. This is what I needed to hear today, what Bobby shared today. I needed to hear this. You needed to hear this. And someone you know needs to hear this message. So you're not defined by your past, everyone. You're defined by what you choose to do next. So Bobby, where can So my name's Bobby, B-R-B-I, Bobby Barrington. I have a website, bobbybarrington.com. You can find me on socials under Bobby Barrington. I'm the And yeah, connect with Bobbi, reach out. You're OK. Yeah. Please connect and start a conversation, reach out or thank her. Thank her for being on the episode and for telling her story and inspiring you to tell your story. And Bobbi, once again, it was a great pleasure to have you today. I needed to hear this message. I just want to say how much I appreciate this conversation. Thank you, Brent. It's been amazing. I've really enjoyed this. Thanks for tuning in to The Adaptive Mindset. If you found value in today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who's ready to thrive in the digital age. Stay